I was never an extremely impulsive person, and usually like to think my actions through. Over the quarantine, I have been feeling a bit bored with just my cat and two fish tanks, so I wanted a new friend. Reptiles were the only type of pet I haven’t had an experience with, and I am always up for a challenge. While I was still doing my research (which will probably be my next blog post), one day I visited aquarium depot for some new fish to add to my tanks, and I came across this snake shipment they just got in that day. Amongst them I saw the cutest little noodle I have ever seen in my life and had to get him before someone else would. I ended up getting an Pueblan Milk snake along with a full set up all in one day.

When I set everything up, I couldn’t be happier with my choice. I named him Gucci and was determined to take one heck of care of him no matter what. This is perhaps the best impulsive decision I have ever made.

The problem with cheap food such as Friskies and fancy feast, cats get addicted to it and often times refused to eat anything else. In those cases, people often give up, continuing to buy those horrible foods. However, there are several ways to transfer I cat from a cheap food full of preservatives to something much healthier for them. There is a brand that has shown to work extremely well with picky cats, and it is Merrick. Considering that it’s a relatively new brand, the company has been extremely successful so far. While their food is not the cheapest, it is not the most expensive kind either. All of their products are grain-free which is exactly what was recommended for cats, using quality ingredients will not cause any additional issues in your cat’s health. They also offer a variety of cuts in gravy which would make the transition easier, tricking a cat into thinking it is the same food. The prices for a 3-pound dry food bag tend to stay under $20 and is typically kept around a dollar and a half per can. 

Using healthy meal toppers can also increase your cat’s interest in the meal. I have noticed that if I do not add any dried minnows, dried chicken, or pumpkin bites on top of Leo’s food, he will not finish the plate. But, most importantly, pet parents need to be persistent. If a cat will realize that if they wait for a day or two without eating any food, their pet parents will give them cat fast food, they will play the waiting game every time. Patience and love are the most important ingredients in a healthy cat. 

When I first started working at Petsmart, I was surprised to see how many kinds of cat food there were. The range of price was pretty dramatic as well starting from under a dollar per can and ending with about $3 a portion. Naturally, I was extremely curious about what the difference was, especially since I was getting a kitten myself. 

From the moment when I got Leo, I promised myself to take the best care possible of that little furry happiness that entered my life. Thankfully, I had a lot of experienced coworkers that made it extremely easy for me to understand. I feel like it’s a knowledge that many need to know in order to protect their smaller friends. 

Starting from the cheapest brands, such as Friskies and fancy feast, I will just cause the difference and potential consequences of the food. Starting at only about $.40 per can, Friskies and fancy feast has been dominating the cat food industry due to their affordable prices. Cats also seem to really enjoy the taste of that food, reinforcing their pet parents to keep buying the stuff. However, in order to understand cats’ nutritional needs, it’s important to keep in mind that they are pure carnivores meaning their diet should consist mainly of protein and no grains. Of course, those brands are not grain-free, making it already not an ideal meal for a carnivore. Unfortunately, there are far more problems than that. Both of those brands use a shocking amount of fillers and cheap ingredients to meet that low price point, compromising not just nutritional value but also the quality of food. A ridiculous amount of conservatives make the food extremely pleasant for a cat, similarly that people like McDonald’s. Unfortunately overweight is not the biggest issue those brands cause in cats.

Amongst the fillers that they use, there is ash which significantly related to urinary tract infections within cats as well as kidney failures. Cheap ingredients also cause tooth decay. 

So while it seems like people are saving a decent amount of money by buying that food, in my opinion, it is not worth it the pain and suffering as well as veterinarian bills that come with it.

Blinding silence is filling the room. You look at the screen of your phone with a desperate denial of reality. Just yesterday you thought you had him. Just yesterday you thought you won. However, you forgot to take into consideration his evolving nature. Similar to a chameleon he changes his colors to accommodate his desires keeping every situation under control. Perhaps you could say he is greedy because he hates to lose the threads he uses to manipulate the scene Luke a couple of marionettes. 

But you never see him as a puppet master.

 He was the sweetest heartbreak she has ever had. The way he did it was just so beautiful and graceful she would do anything to experience your love again. Even after so many years. Even for a moment… 

And here she was, at the edge of familiar yet such dangerous cliff ready to dive into the darkness without a single concern just to feel his warmth. At least for a few moments before her heavy bones will crash against the cold ground, instantly stopping her hopeful, naive heart. 

That’s what makes her want to come back every time, the fall. The fall that is so incredible, it’s worth every single bone in her body to turn into a powder in the matter of a second. The fall that is so sweet, it’s worth the taste of salty iron in her mouth once her breathless body is bleeding out on the cold ground of sorrow. The fall that is so astonishing she will jump without hesitation time after time. But every time her flawless frame hits the hard ground she loses part of her bright and pure soul. Each time that she gathers her powdery bones and sews back together with her damaged and bloodless heart she becomes colder and crueler. She learns to play people like chess in order to win every time. She learns to her emotions more and more after each fall.

Soon enough she retires from falling realizing the jumping makes no logical sense and her heart is too frozen to make an impact on her brilliantly clear mind. And that’s how she becomes the most tempting and desired cliff. That’s how she becomes so darling.

 A beautiful mystery… So beautiful and intriguing almost like she keeps on calling your name, almost like she was meant for you, almost like you have her. But just for the night because the second she leaves, unintentionally you will catch yourself spending hours daydreaming of her. You will keep replaying crisp shadows of her perfect silhouette putting on her clothes as if in a rush to escape her nightmare. Her nightmare that just happened to be your dearest dream. The dream that tonight she will stay. The dream that you know you will finally solve her like some childish puzzle. The dream that tonight you’ll finally be yours. However, all that is just a dream, and that realization bruises your whole existence as if a razor blade was carving a message into your heart producing agonizing pain along with a scarred tattoo on the purest and most innocent part of your being. The message will always be there as a reminder that she’s just too good.

She’s in a blitz to leave and even though you’re not the reason, you’ll never know that minor detail. She’s impossible to read thus every move she makes, strategically planned in her mind to a point of perfection, catches you off guard. Every time she comes back you sense an incredible adrenaline rush turning into a powerful euphoria. You always check twice if it’s really her and not just a product of your imagination reflecting your hopeless desires. You never know if she will come back and that’s what makes the pain of persisting under her charm so wonderful. You’re so used to guessing you don’t even dare to ask her questions. Or perhaps you’re just so terrified by the idea of losing the miracle of her presence, you bite your tongue every time she glares at you with her bright green eyes. They only seldom manifest her true heartache that’s beneath all of the games. You never notice the grief that’s at the base of her nature, being too busy filtering every syllable that comes out of your mouth silently praying not to scare her off. As if she was an extremely rare wild animal. It doesn’t matter how careful and well thought through each one of your phrases were, she’s always one step ahead to find a reason to leave. A reason to be independent. A reason to never be yours.

Heartbroken you continue to convince yourself that she simply searching for the good guy, and when she sees how worthy you are, the happy ending is guaranteed. 

You couldn’t be more wrong…

I can see clearer than ever yet it still feels like I’m living in a fog. When I look in the mirror I don’t see myself, it’s a stranger with a fake smile on, convincing herself that she’s happy where she is. Desperately trying to run away from the reality that is her life. 

Yet clearly that’s not what other people see. Other people see this confident young woman, that is ready to conquer the world. She got everything under control and she never loses her temper.

This couldn’t be further from reality. It’s sad to say that my life has come to the art of putting on a façade of a person I always wanted to be. Confident, beautiful, strong. And then the dividual who nobody could crash, and nothing could ever stop. What is hiding behind a mask that everyone is so easily fooled by?

Fear and pain are what is at the foundational level of my consciousness. There has been so much grief in my life that there’s no more tears left to cry, no temper left to lose. I’ve been betrayed so many times that I’m not sure what trust is anymore. I am constantly surrounded by people yet still feel awfully alone. I am alone.

You knew you were damaged. You justified wounding people because the weapon was the ache from your past. How could you trust anyone after he ruthlessly ripped your heart out of your chest, breaking some ribs in the process, and stomped it into the ground right in front of you, watching your tears run down your face with the intensity you didn’t know you had within you. He was the most magnificent fraud. Looking like heaven, he felt just like hell tearing apart any particle of self-love you had in your body. He left you broken. He damaged you. He left you numb and empty. You swore not to ever fall victim again, you were no longer prey, you became the cold predator. Unattainable fantasy no one could have. You were everything they wanted, yet kept your distance desperately trying to escape the agony he left in your core. None of those games you won, ever relieved your anguish. But if you kept busy enough, it almost felt like you could muzzle your grief and feel normal again. After a while you thought you got it all figured out, suppressing your misery with drugs and alcohol made you almost numb enough to forget, but then you met him. 

He seemed nothing special, so you decided you were safe. He didn’t look like heaven, more like a well-executed piece of art. You were never all that into art, so you were safe. He felt like an enchanting summer sunset, and you always loved the summer breeze, so he felt safe. 

He took care of you as no one has before, collecting every single fragment of your shattered heart and patiently putting all of the pieces together. You have convinced yourself that cracks will always remain, refusing his love time after time. You thought you’ve been adored before, but his persistence and care showed that you never actually knew what unconditional love felt like before him. His admiration sealed crevices left in your soul, and all of a sudden you felt vulnerable and exposed. The thought of being broken down once again made your stomach turn and feet carry you away as far as possible from him. But he didn’t give up, targeting insults at your back as you were rushing away. He didn’t expose his horrid core. He simply didn’t have one. No plot twist. No dirt. All he had was a strong desire to give you the world. Desire to make you happy. Desire for you.

Your lungs eventually ran out of the air, and intense pain in your lower abdomen forced you to stop. Once you turn around expecting to be alone once again, you see him with that timid look in his eyes that made you feel safe on those stormy mornings when you woke up in tears because of another nightmare. He knows how much you hate questions so he is just silent now, giving you time to tell him what is wrong on your terms. For the first time in your life, love and contentment are not mutually exclusive concepts, you just have to let yourself fall in his arms that made you feel at home anywhere in the world. You don’t need to keep running away, because you are safe now. He is safe.

She was just another girl in school. She had decent grades and seemed to be spending all her spare time singing, which must have been her dearest dream. She wasn’t special in any way, shape or form. Curly brown hair to her shoulders was perhaps the most noticeable thing about her. Huge brown eyes and large lips made her face especially disproportionate. She was short and skinny. Ali lost a lot of weight recently which almost made her look sick. She had a couple of acquaintances, but no real friends of course. People like her weren’t usually the center of attention. Compared to every Cosmopolitan teenage story ever, she didn’t have a guy she’d be crazy about, nor did she seem to be interested in school at all. She was a walking mystery to everyone. Keeping her business to herself, she seemed to enjoy it that way. 

Halfway through her senior year, after she turned eighteen, Ali started going viral. Just in a couple of weeks, she was the topic of everyone’s gossip, advancing thousands of followers a day on instagram alone. Every girl wanted to be friends with her and every “cool” guy was dying to even go on a date with her. Surprisingly Ali couldn’t care less about her overnight gained popularity. While everyone was idolizing her, Ali was following her everyday routine without giving her Stans a second thought. That’s when it became abundantly clear that she enjoyed her chosen loneliness. While everyone was so envious of her new life, her classmates had no clue that she sold her soul to the devil. 

Every night at 9, she would leave whatever activities she was doing to change and head off to a private party in the city that never sleeps. That was her way of building her career. New night same routine, she would party and socialize, until 11 pm when two gatekeepers would be waiting for her in a hotel room. She knew exactly what she was expected to do and she did it.

After the hotel room stop, she would drink so much that she would lose all her inhibitions. Of course the next day, she would receive an invitation to an exclusive event that would be crucial to her rapidly growing career, and it would be all worth it. That’s why she chose to have zero friends. That’s why she kept to herself. 

How could she possibly explain that she sold her body for fame? That she compromised her morals for her dream? She could barely justify it to herself. In fact, she was disgusted by whom she had become; yet it was too late to stop. Addiction already lured her in as a skillful Siren keeping her conscious captive. 

Those late night trips lasted for twelve more months. On December 10th, it was the first evening she stayed at home. Her sister, Rosie, came up to her room to ask what she desired for dinner but when she knocked on the door, no one answered. She opened the door to Ali’s room gradually with unintended caution, noticing that the room is covered in enveloping darkness. After Rosie’s eyes got used to the gloom, she started distinguishing shapes from walls. Shortly after, she noticed the shape of her sister’s slim body standing in front of the window focusing her glare on something beyond the glass. Behind the window, there was just an ordinary winter night, stars were almost as radiant and magnificent as the moon, accentuating achromatic snow crystals effortlessly lowering onto the silky, frosted ground. But for some reason, Ali seemed to be taller than usual. Her head was tilted to the side, violating the straight line of her silhouette. 

A few moments later, Rosie began to notice a gap between Ali’s feet and the floor. When Rosie turned on the lights, she shrieked, running up to her sister, helplessly attempting to lift her out of the cashmere noose. Ali was already long gone. After hearing the scream, her parents ran up the stairs, witnessing the tragic image. Rosie’s hopeless attempts to take her sister’s breathless body down only scarcely trembled Ali’s flawless white dress. She left no note. No explanation. The only mark she left behind were walls that carried ‘WE ARE THE GATEKEEPERS…’ on them over and over again.

6 years later 

At 9 pm, a beautiful 18 year old girl was rushing to some kind of event in the city that never sleeps. She was so fragile, it seemed that in any moment her slim long legs would collapse under the weight of her coat. It was Rosie pursuing accelerated success in her singing career. 

Pitbulls and bull terriers are by far ones of the most villainized dog breeds today. Practically every other week another news article pops up to declare a new attack of a pit bull on their owner, or people nearby. With such publicity, it becomes almost impossible not to join the popular opinion. However diving deeper into the breeding history of those “vicious” breeds, it becomes clear that perhaps it is the owners of such dogs unknowingly bite off more than they can chew. Staffordshire terriers, as well as bull terriers and pit bulls, go back to the 1800s when dogfighting was an extremely popular entertainment in Europe. In order to get the best fighting dog possible, those breeds were accomplished through interbreeding. Main features, that were perfect for their purpose, were lockjaw, extremely high pain tolerance as well as a brilliant technique to murder anyone on their way. That technique includes flipping a victim on their back exposing the most vulnerable part of the body in the animal world, after which they used their extremely strong jaws to shred through the victim’s guts. While it is rather sad information not many know, such data is crucial when getting a dog one of those breeds. While dogs are not supposed to be naturally aggressive, it is important to keep in mind that when a dog was created specifically for aggression, unless the owner will seriously train their pup very early own, there won’t be anything stopping that deep instinct to kill. If a dog doesn’t have any rules to obey, boundaries to contain that dangerous impulse won’t be there leaving the attack as just a matter of time. With that being said, there aren’t bad dogs, just some come with a little more baggage than others and pet owners should prepare for it accordingly.

– Maria Molotilova

This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.